The Heroes of Hirot

When the guano is that deep, stay in the boat

Translated from the original Dwarven


I hope that ye and Ma be well. As ye know, I went wit me friends to find de darned well o’ souls that de loremaster kept going on about. Tis true, I went cause I feared fer me friends. How could I trust a scholar, a butcher, and a chimney sweep to survive above ground. I admit I haven’t been a tunnel runner fer long but at least ’twas better ’n de others.

We met with another fine dwarf who kept strange companions. He even were friends wit a couple o’ durned Elfs! An Da, I remember ya saying that havin’ a burglar wit ya was good luck, but havin’ three must be bad luck. There were a human or two as well.

We trekked out in de durned desert wit de durned sun blazing above like an overheated forge. After forever, we finally found a good hole in da ground and we headed down. T’was like the others never seen an underground lake. They was fussin’ and going on and on a’fore we loaded into a few flat bottomed boats like me cousin’s and set out. We made for this large statue that were on dese tablets some merchant traded us for a share in the rewards.

The statue were of a bat woman or some such but was so covered in guano that it were hard to tell if there were anything of value. We did spy a shield hanging from her mouth so da boys and I headed for it. As we waded into guano deeper than a mole rat is tall, I noticed something not quite right about the floor. Thinking it were a pit trap, as ye taught me, we circled round. Only the durned chimney sweep insisted on leading so as to detect anymore pits with his staff. Least ways, that’s what I thunk he said ‘cause I never could decipher his strange accent. Remember, his kin came from the Cockney caverns out East. ’Twas no suprise that even with all his pokin’ and proddin’ he fell into the next durned pit and screamed like a weevil before he impaled hisself on the spikes at the bottom.

His screamin’ caused all the bats to get riled up and flutter about. ‘Twas then I realized the others were still in their frakkin’ boats. I yelled fer dem to git their lazy, tree huggin’ arses up here and we proceeded to clear the other traps. We found a secret door and headed down towards another confounded lake. We all piled into one boat dis time and we headed towards a little island with a small pyramid on it. As we approached, we seen a tiny little city wit a bunch o gems glitterin’ so we jumped out and headed towards it only to have a frakkin’ copper alligator come to life. I squared off against it to protect me fellows only fer it to open its maw and breath out fire!!! I survived wit me beard singed and steaming, but me friends went to da great halls.

Some sort of djinn or sometin’ came out the remains of da gator after one o da little ones finished it off. Da djinn asked me if’n I needed anything so I asked fer me friends back. A’fore ya lecture me, I know ‘twas wrong o me to call ’em back from the great halls, but I were not thinking straight. The djinn couldn’t even tho I asked and den spent forever talkin’ and carrying on while I set about prying out the gems.

We headed back to da exit but I’ll save that tale fer another letter.

Say hullo to Ma and me kin. If’n the gods be good, I’ll be home afore the mushroom harvest.


Ha! I just saw this! Awesome write up from Well of Souls :)


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